Vita - A story of love and loss

Vita was born at Knole in 1892. As the only child of Lionel and Victoria Sackville-West her marriage was a matter of interest not only to her parents but to society. The pressure of making the right choice was heightened by Vita’s knowledge that she could not inherit her father’s title or her ancestral home of Knole, due to her being a woman.

Throughout her childhood, Vita was reminded of the importance of her name and that she should act and behave in a particular way. Her governess would say ‘my child, remember who you are’ and ‘Oh my dears, do consider your illustrious name.’ As Vita became a young woman, she attended society events and was publicly seen to be a proper 'Edwardian Lady'. Philip de László was commissioned to paint a portrait of Vita when she turned 18. Vita’s mother Victoria picked the clothes she would wear for the portrait, which she deemed appropriate for an eligible young lady, however, Vita disliked the formal Edwardian look and banished the painting to the attics at Sissinghurst.

There was much speculation in the newspapers about who Vita would marry, with various dukes and earls being matched as potential suitors. Vita had many admirers, but she often dismissed them as ‘little dancing things in ballrooms’. One of her suitors was Lord Grandy, heir to the Duke of Rutland, whom Vita described as ‘a curious rather morose person’, while she considered Lord Lascelles, future Earl of Harewood, ‘rather dull’. Vita turned down two marriage proposals from Ivan Hay, one of her dance partners at society events and son of Lord Kilmarnock. He had presented her with a bear cub as a Christmas gift. Vita named the bear ‘Ivan the Terrible’.

Vita was unsure of love and marriage, often writing about her dilemma in her diary and letters. In her diary in autumn of 1912 Vita wrote, ‘ I can’t, I can’t, give up everything for him, at least I don’t think so... If I didn’t love him at all it would be so easy.’ Also vying for Vita’s attention were her female lovers, including childhood friends Rosamund Grosvenor and Violet Keppel.

By August 1913 Vita had come to a decision and chose Harold Nicolson to be her husband. Although they first met at a dinner party in June 1910, Vita continued to enjoy society events, admirers and lovers whilst communicating with Harold who was away working as a diplomat in Europe. Harold wasn’t deemed by Vita’s parents to be a suitable husband, especially as his annual salary of £250 did not compare to the £100,000 income of Lord Grandy. Vita’s mother insisted they waited until Harold had returned from his position in Istanbul and an official engagement notice was produced 18 months after the proposal was made. Vita wrote the following about Harold: ‘some men are born to be lovers, others to be husbands; he belongs in the latter category’.

Vita and Harold married in the family chapel at Knole on 1 October 1913 in a small ceremony with just 26 guests.  Vita’s wedding was more than just a marriage: it was the point when she knew she would no longer be living at Knole and would be leaving her beloved ancestral home behind.

'Vita - A story of love and loss' written by Samantha Smith, Collections and House Manager at Knole.

'Vita: Discover a story of love and life at Knole' is at Knole until 13 October 2024.